Hearts Alive

By David Guyor

Years ago, I remember struggling with the feeling that God was angry or at least disappointed with me. There were many times when it sort of felt like I was in trouble. God didn’t seem like Emmanuel, God with me. He seemed more like Judge, God Watching me.

But, I’ve changed. As I age, I’m more aware, and more honest about the ways I fail to love and fail to be a good man. I’ve moved from “God, I will give you my whole life!” to “God, I don’t have a chance for life unless you love and forgive me, and give your life to me.” And, sadly, I’ve also witnessed how the lives of the more “die-hard” believers I have known over the years have affected others around them, especially their families.

I’m the father of three, and when you’re a parent you realize that a relationship characterized by kids being scared of their dad, or always worrying that they may disappoint or anger their dad, is a sad and unhealthy one. Honestly, who wants to have a Father like that?

I remember hearing the Bible passages where Jesus teaches on the cost of being His disciple. And, I remember feeling something like, “Woa. I better get serious. God demands everything of me.” But now I have my doubts about whether this is the only, or at least the most appropriate, way to respond to His teachings.

In Luke 7, Jesus says, “Blessed is anyone who does not stumble on account of me.” Now, there are different interpretations of what Jesus means when he says this, but the simple point I want to make is that Jesus knows that His ways are difficult.

At the end of the Gospel of John, Jesus says to Thomas, “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”

Now, I’m not saying that we should edit out the sober message of the words Jesus spoke about discipleship, but I am saying that we don’t have to respond to them with fear or guilt. Maybe these teachings also show us that Jesus fully realizes that faith is hard. That life here on earth, this side of heaven, is just really hard.

Have you ever thought that God may understand how difficult it is for anyone to believe in Him because He is invisible? I’m serious. God knows, of all people, how far we have come from being with Him the way Adam and Eve were. And God knows that for His children to live a life of faith, they will struggle, they will fail, they will doubt, and they will pay a price. He gets it. Sure, He definitely thinks it’s all worth it, but He still gets that it’s hard.

If my son, Drew, wanted to climb the toughest 14er in Colorado, I would love his enthusiasm and courage, but I would also talk to him (very soberly) about the costs of trying something like that. And, I wouldn’t talk to him in some scolding “you better shape up” kind of way. Rather, I would help him realize that what he wants to accomplish is dangerous and difficult and will require great personal cost if he is going to take on this kind of adventure.

So, maybe the teachings of Jesus on the cost of discipleship aren’t so much a warning or a threat. Maybe they are honest and helpful words from the One who loves us and is more for us than anyone has ever been, or ever will be.

Many years ago, George MacDonald wrote:

But do not think that God is angry with you because you find it hard to believe. It is not so; that is not like God; God is all that you can honestly wish Him to be, and infinitely more; He is not angry with you for that.

Wow. Those words portray God in a different way than many of us have grown up with. Maybe God isn’t angry all the time. Maybe He is Emmanuel, God With Us. Maybe He’s just very honest, very involved, and very committed to having His children become fully alive… whatever it takes.